It seems that the hardest thing is believing that we are free, that things are ok.
So we stay in our prisons.
Wat's the harm in believing? I can take risks. I like risk.
I hear something sometimes,
in the brain entrainment binaural beat tracks
in music tuned to A=432hz (I am converting my favorite songs in audacity now)
I see it in people
I remember feeling it
I know it's there. I know it exists.
In fact, I am pretty sure I know what all of this is. I have felt it, I remember it, I guess.
What I think is really going on, insofar as I can say that since nothing is final, is that basically what we think is life, in the foreground, is actually this interesting thing being played out on this screen that is entirely peaceful.
beneath or behind it all, there is just this quiet peaceful timelessness. it feels like "the end of the story." It has this strong sense of a search coming to the end, the "happily ever after" of a
THAT is the scary thing, really. Happiness. fulfillment. Not having anything to look forward to in the future.
It's a trade: do you want hope or satisfaction?
Hope is a thin comfort. It gets you by. I'm used to living on hope.
It's like formula vs. breast milk. Hope works, but it's not as good as it could be.
This is all such an exciting game. I guess the fun part is, well, if you can figure out what sort of game it might be early enough to enjoy some decades in a body knowing what might be going on.
I've kind of lost my shame because of things that have happened during Lyme disease, so I can talk about this stuff now.
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