I've been frustrated with the randomness in my life. Random bad stuff happening to me and often spinning out of control because I am susceptible and small changes in my life can destabilize a balance that is fragile in the first place, especially now that I'm working during Lyme treatment.
However, I realized that when bad things have happened to me, there were often many bad decisions that contributed to the eventual bad event. And likewise with good things.
So it makes me comforted to think that if I keep making good decisions, I'll get somewhere, despite randomness.
Random events form a distribution, and then there's what I do with myself. I guess what I do needs to be strong enough to buffer against random events.
At all times, I should be doing enough to soothe myself, eat well, support my immune system, treat Lyme, etc. that 95% chance random events will not hurt me too much.
I guess that's part of the problem. I have been living on the edge, pushing myself to my limit, so that when even small things happen, it's the last straw for me and everything falls apart.
Where can I cut back?
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I realized after posting this that the other thing that helps to buffer is having a cause or a goal.
That also helps.
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